Unilaterally Sarcastic, Dangerously Cheesy

Archive for June 1, 2010

Michael Bay Somehow Involved In New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Film

That Look Of Bored Confusion On The Turtles' Faces Mirrors That Of My Own

So I woke up this morning in a haze from a Memorial Day True Blood season two marathon that was fueled extensively by Guiness and pretzel sticks to find out that somehow, Jesus fell asleep at the wheel and Michael Bay somehow got his mits on the Ninja Turtles franchise.

Michael Bay and the rest of Platinum Dunes will oversee the launch of a new live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film, according to Deadline New York.

The film marks the first non-horror remake for Platinum Dunes, who will team with Paramount and Nickelodeon to re-adapt the property. (via SuperHeroHype)

I’m not inherently against Michael Bay, because with the exception of Pearl Harbor, I mostly dig his movies. Lord help you if you EVER insult the genius of The Rock, that movie was brilliant on so many levels and only four of them include Nic Cage’s hair. (Two of them involve Connery’s.)

My main concern is that with Michael Bay’s raging hard-on for CGI, we won’t get any practical makeup effects for the heroes in a half shell. Part of the charm of the original movies was the legitimately awesome fight choreography done with the added roadblock of those rubber suits. The fight scenes were actually pretty damned good. What kind of CGI shakey-cam hogwash are we going to get with this film? Based on what I saw in Transformers 2, I don’t really know what to expect.

But let me say this here and now, whoever they get to play April O’Neil is going to be one smokin’ hot piece of girl-meat, because while Michael Bay isn’t so great at finding legit actresses he can sure as hell find eye candy with both hands tied behind his back.

Also, maybe this time around we’ll get a live action Krang!

It's Somebody's Fetish...

We Can Only Hope…