I remember seeing the original Piranha film years ago when I was entering my early teens. I saw it on Showtime or something in a back to back feature with Orca which is also a must-see film for many many reasons. I mean, it’s basically the Punisher starring a whale with the villain being a batshit crazy Richard Harris. Yes, that Richard Harris. The original Piranha didn’t stay with me the way Orca did. Or even any of the shitty Jaws sequels. I mean, I love me some Jaws 3. One of my regrets in life is that I’ve never been able to see it in true 3D. That slow-mo crash into the glass at the end must have been epic in three dimensions.
Luckily, I will not have to live with the regret of not seeing Piranha in 3D this year. I think this is one of the best films put into theaters as far as getting your money’s worth. Let’s not lie to each other, if you’re seeing a film like Piranha it’s probably for a particular reason. It’s not something where an unknown x-factor can ruin the film for you. You’re going to see a monster movie about a bunch of pre-historic piranha attacking a spring break beach party. Eli Roth is somehow involved. One of the main characters is portrayed by a well known pornstar. It’s directed by the dude who did The Hills Have Eyes, it’s not like walking into a film expecting an action film and getting a relationship drama. (Something that my friends have dubbed the “Public Enemies effect.”)
The film is 85 minutes of fish ripping people apart in glorious 3D. We get an abundance of female nudity and a lakeful of gore. It’s everything schlock horror is supposed to be. And this isn’t some shitty SyFy property, oh no, the gore and the effects in this film are wild, creative, and damn near perfect. I’m not going to lie, this may be some of Greg Nicotero’s best work. I haven’t heard an audience audibly react to a special effects gore shot the way they did with this one in a while. There are some moments where the audience was genuinely shocked, which is the desired effect with a movie like this. It needs to have that effect to be considered successful.
If you want to see some true b-movie madness, this is a must see. If you have any love for gorefest schlock, you need to buy a ticket ASAP.
Also, the film featured a cameo by Gianna Michaels, who I still have a mad-on for so it was good to see her again. Hooray for pornstars in mainstream film!