Unilaterally Sarcastic, Dangerously Cheesy

Posts tagged “Shameless Ploy For Hits

Vacation Time

Hey ya’ll.

I’m leaving town for the week and won’t be updating again probably until next Sunday. Between now and then, if I do update anything it’ll be random snippets that will probably be shameless traffic grabs. You know, hot cosplay photos or other such blatant attempts to snag readers without posting any legitimate content.

I’d ask Ronin to do a game review or something but he can’t be arsed to do much of anything nowadays so you’ll have to settle for what scraps I throw out there.

Until I return…

Get used to stuff like this…

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Cosplay Catch-up

75% percent of the searches leading to this site have a varation of “sexy cosplay” in them, and I feel like I haven’t been catering to that crowd lately. They’re the ones who give us a fair share of hits and yet I haven’t posted anyone in an awkward costume for like a month now. So I’m going to remedy that by posting some pictures in the hopes of appeasing my readership.

Enjoy.

Nice sash

Peachy Keen

She doesn't need a radar to find my Dragon balls.

Somewhere, Bendis is touching himself

Bagpipe Guy Steals The Show


LOST Series Finale : The Comics Con Queso Liveblogging Spectacular aka This Was Popular Once So Let’s See If We Can Strike Gold In The Same Place Twice

8:14 – Finally got the internet up and running. My first comment is that I’m surprised that after years of drug use the tranq dart had any effect on Charlie.

8:15 – VINCENT! The return of my favorite character. Cute widdle doggie.

8:16- Bernard and Rose are gon’ get it hard.

8:17 – LOCKE WINS AT STARING CONTEST!

8:19 – Commercial for NBA Finals does nothing to change my opinion on how boring basketball is on a whole.

8:21 – Ben Linus : Devious Motherfucker.

8:22 – Apparently you cannot kill the mayor of Gotham City.

8:23 – Just wanna say that I want Sawyer’s awesome hipster glasses.

8:24 – Juliet really has a hardon for that baby.

8:25 – Man, this shit is a little depressing.

8:26 – Oooooh, the trailer for Mindfuck, er, ah, “Inception.”

8:29 – “Then it ends…” Wow, a little on the nose there.

8:30 – Nice LOTR crane shot, bro.

8:33 – Jeff Fahey survives. As always.

8:34 – Pilot Matt Damon from 30 Rock could have prevented the flight from crashing in the first place.

8:35 – Jack Shephard : Captain Obvious

8:36 – So far this epsiode is like a really slow handjob. You know that there will be some kind of payoff if the bitch would just move a little faster.

8:38 – I wonder if I can work sex jokes into the rest of my commentary, at the same time keeping it organic to the topic at hand. Probably not. Rusty trombone.

8:40 – Desmond is a weapon. Like my hard-ons. Yeah, I don’t think the sex jokes are working.

8:41 – “I believe in you, dude.” – Hurley. Okay, first of all Matthew Fox isn’t Santa Claus and you can’t sound serious when you add “dude” to anything.

8:44 – That cave looks like a bitchin’ fun waterslide.

8:47 – There are rules dude. Check the player’s handbook or the DM guide.

8:49 – I wonder if this is all going to end with the Anti-Moniter showing up and then everything reseting with Earth 1 or whatever.

8:51 – Was Claire always that pudgy? Her cheeks look like they’re smuggling cupcakes.

8:53 – I have to admit that I appreciate the callbacks to previous episodes via visual cues. I would prefer they stuck with that rather than some of the more heavy handed and obvious dialogue.

8:59 – I was shot by a fat man! <- My models say the same thing…

9:01 – Charlie’s stare induces labor. That’s an awesome superpower.

9:03 – And Desmond hugs the phallic symbol…

9:04 – And the island farts…

9:07 – All these new ABC shows look pretty bad…

9:12 – The miracle of childbirth sans anesthesia.

9:14 – Man, if at least some of these people dont get happy endings I’m going to murder someone. I don’t feel like drowning in the sad tonight. But maybe that’s just me. Also, I had the perfect chance to make a “happy ending” joke and tie it back in to my handjob jibe but I didn’t. You’re welcome.

9:17 – Locke and Jack fighting in the rain on a cliff. Did John Woo come up with this shit?

9:23 – PRISON SHANKED BITCH!

9:24 – I was kind of hoping that Locke would kill Kate and not the other way around. Apparently God hates me.

9:27 – MEIN GOTT! I CAN VALK![/DrStrangeloveReference]

9:32 – You know, I don’t blame Locke for stabbing Jack. I’ve wanted to stab Matthew Fox for six seasons too.

9:35 – I have a bad feeling about what might happen to Hurley.

9:38 – Honestly, so long as it doesn’t end like the series finale of Angel, I’ll be fine.

9:44 – Sawyer wants Juliet’s candy…

9:50 – This shit is wearing on me. The heat from the laptop is burning my thighs. I’M SUFFERING FOR YOU!!!

9:52 – Can someone please drop a bus on Kate? She’s gotta be the most annoying soul-mate EVER.

9:54 – When Hurley cries I cry…

9:55 – I bet the water does nothing. It’s all a faith thing. And faith gets you killed. Metaphor deciphered. We can leave now.

9:57 – And the island is ruled by the crab people! [/stupidsouthparkjoke]

10:00 – Ze Plane! ZE PLANE!

10:01 – I get the feeling I will end up punching something at the end of all this.

10:04 – Good, Jack needs a f##king bath.

10:06 – Hurley is not pleased.

10:07 – So John Cena just hangs out in mens room stalls handing out razors now? F##k, I thought the WWE paid better than that…

10:11 – Linus is one of the saddest characters in TV history…hands down.

10:16 – I’m not sure where they’re going, but damn this has been a great episode.

10:17 – OH F##K! JACKS ALIVE!!!! <–honestly surprised.

10:18 – I kinda dig the groovy mulitple religious symbol stained glass window there.

10:25 – This reminds me of the end of Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang where Robert Downey Jr is all like “let’s just bring back everyone who died” and Abe Lincoln is there and shit.

10:26 – The ending of Lost is everyone hugging. I want to go back to season two and tell everyone that and see their reaction. For real.

10:30 – FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCk!


More Possible Megan Fox Replacements AKA I Have Way Too Much Time To Waste On Google Image Search

Pictured : One Dumb Bitch

Could you imagine being one of the most talked about young starlets of 2007 only to become a joke in the eyes of everyone who has tired of using you as spank-bank material? Let’s face it, nobody ever took Megan Fox seriously as an actress. She had a slamming body and was pretty blunt about her sexuality in any interview she gave. She even had that faux-nerd cred going on by strutting around town wearing Star Wars shirts and claiming to like comic books and whatnot. Yeah, tease the fanboys, make them think you’re one of them. That’ll ensure they’ll pay the $20 you’ll charge at conventions for a photo and an autograph.

But now she’s proven she can’t sell a movie based on sex alone (Jennifer’s Body) and Jonah Hex looks like something the general public will reject on principle and the fanboys will ravage for not honoring the source material. Then the dumb bitch couldn’t keep her mouth shut and now Michael Bay has brought down the hammer of KRAWW!!! upon her ass and kicked her off the Transformers set and plans to cast a new female lead.

I mentioned some choices earlier, but let’s see if we can’t make a complete list here. Granted, this list really is just an excuse for me to troll Google image search looking for sexy pictures of women I would like to do the dirty with. But is that so wrong? I’m sure it’ll gimme mega traffic for the next week, and I am not going to lie and say I don’t want that to happen.

ASHLEY GREENE

Greene got me seein' red...

Okay, so, all I know about this girl is that she leaked some nekkie pics onto the interwebs sometime while she was filming Twilight, a series that she might get cast out of in the final installment because she wants more money, which aint gonna happen. If she does get knocked on her keester, maybe she’ll take a reduced pay cut to get a larger audience by replacing Megan Fox in Transformers 3. Let’s face it, Twilight fans won’t follow the stars to other movies, if they did Remember Me would have made some serious bank and The Runaways would have registered on people’s radar. But that didn’t happen, because Twilight fans are only interested in Twilight. I think it has to do with the fact that such people are easily distracted by shiny objects and then they forget where they are.

Yeah, Twilight fans are retarded raccoons.

There.

I said it.

ANNALYNNE McCORD

ANAL-Lynne?

Her name almost has “anal” in it and she’s so hot it almost effing hurts. I mean seriously, this girl oozes the sexy and I usually don’t go for blondes. I’m more into the sultry brunette look that girls like Ms. Greene above bring to the table, but seriously, this girl is one fine piece of eye candy. Also, see the evidence pictured below:

[insert cream filling joke]

I want to be that doughnut right now.

OLIVIA MUNN

I want to have a case of the Munn-days.

She’s racking up cameo bit parts in movies like Iron Man 2 left and right, and so long as the role doesn’t call for insane acting talent on the par of Dame Judy Dench or Meryl Streep, which in a Transformers movie would be about as unlikely as Geoff Johns passing up an opportunity to brutally kill of a c-list hero in a crossover, Ms. Munn would be a more than adequate replacement for Megan Fox. Personally I think Olivia’s hotter than Megan Fox ever was simply due to the fact that she doesn’t look like she secrets enough grease to supply the fryers at Burger King for a day.

KIM KARDASHIAN

Boot-ee

Admittedly, this is a terrible choice. This woman annoys me just about as much as any other pseudo celebrity making the rounds nowadays, but I just felt like posting a picture of that scrumptious backside.

In short, this girl is the reason God gave us the ballgag.

LADY GAGA

I have no joke for Lady Gaga that hasn't already been made...

Not because I think she’d be a good fit, but because I really want to see Optimus Prime sing “Poker Face.” I think I could die happy after that.

COBIE SMULDERS

I'd Smulder her Cobie...

I don’t watch How I Met Your Mother, which apparently she’s a central character on. But I saw The Slammin’ Salmon, and she was just plain gorgeous in that film, and honestly of all the girls on the list, she seems like she has the most legitimate acting chops, as she managed to pull off some great dramatic work in that film while at the same time holding her own with the rapid-fire comedy. She was supposed to be Wonder Woman, for crying out loud. Yeah, she’d do fine.

OLIVIA WILDE

The crowd goes Wilde

Here’s a nother girl who actually has some acting talent. She holds her own with Hugh Laurie on House which is not an easy feat. That man is awesomesauce. Wilde will also see her mainstream star on the rise when Tron Legacy hits the web later this year and we all get to oogle her assets in skintight leather:


Panel of the Week

Who Saw This One Coming? *raises hand*

Zatanna # 1
Paul Dini/Stephane Roux


For No Discernable Reason, A Lexi Belle Picture Post


As a result of the Batman XXX trailer being posted on this blog, just about anytime anyone searches for “porn” and “comic books” in the same Google stream, they end up here. In an attempt to cater to those who have shown up arbitrarily in the hopes of seeing more nudity than they recieved, I have some not quite inappropriate pictures of Lexi Belle, who plays Batgirl in the aforementioned parody.

This was a fun post to research.

You’re welcome.


Cosplay Appreciation Week – Day Two : Mary Marvel

Happy now, google?

For some reason, the searches leading to this site range all over the damned map. But in addition to just plain “sexy cosplay” or the like, we get alot and I mean A LOT of searches for “Mary Marvel” and I figured now was the time to give the people what they want. One thing I noticed while researching this post, is that there are far more people cosplaying as dark Mary Marvel than happy-go-lucky-innocent Mary Marvel. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Watch the hits roll in...

This should attract the goth demographic...

Bonus Huntress

Latex. That's another base covered...

Another classic. Almost a rarity...

Stop staring